yellow watermelon
im missing my trip down to pasedena today. i went to the beach with A.Y and K.T and it was beautiful. i saw a dolphin, the water was so warm and green and blue and the waves bullied me into the sand and even if it hurt a little, i was having so much fun. we ate avocados and eggs and drank soju and when we drove an hour home we cut open a yellow watermelon and it was such a perfect treat. its getting colder these days but when i sit on the bench at school to draw, the sun beats down on me and its overwhelming. i cut my bangs a little tonight. theyre a little sloppy but they needed a trim and i wanted to do it before my next tournament. ive been practicing my POI a lot. my girlfriends moms bathroom has a massive mirror so i practice in there and i feel like ive been improving a lot. i tried to draw today but it was a little hard. nothing i draw feels quite right and i have no energy to finish anything. but i cant improve if i keep drawing the same thing over and over and i know i wont be proud of the art i make if i dont expand what it is. i have an essay due next thursday and i need to watch 6 hours of TV and take notes on it all. i feel a little overwhelmed. ive been staying at my girlfriends house for the last week and ive been really struggling to focus like this. friday i go back home and i hope itll make things easier to focus. i just feel so cramped and disorganized and out of place, but i feel this way everywhere i go. my house burnt in 2021. it still hasnt been rebuilt. this december will be our 3rd year out of the house, and ive moved about 7 times from between hotels, rentals, my aunts, moms, grandmas house. i feel like i cannot settle anywhere and nowhere i stay is ever mine. i want more to call mine. everyone laughs and jokes about how all my belongings fit in my trunk and how my aunt catches me going into my trunk to grab watercolor supplies. i think its a little funny too but its also really frustrating cause i really do live out of boxes these days. i dont fully know what to share here but im hopeful ill use this more. i think it would be good for me cause ive gotten lonely and am struggling to find somewhere to share